Worth

An Argument Against Deservedness

NOTE TO THE READER:

This is an argument to change perspective - an argument to change a speech pattern to rid oneself of a style of thinking.

Removing words in one’s vernacular allows for new neuronal pathways to develop in the brain, helping to dissolve the crystalized “stories” we tell ourselves. This allows fluidity, flexibility, and the possibility for new perspectives from the internal self to view the external self.

I hope you enjoy!

An Argument for Worth

The way you speak about the world reinforces the way the world interacts with you.

This is taken from the idea of Linguistic Relativity Hypothesis, proposed by American linguists Edward Sapir and Benjamin Lee Whorf. In which, language can shape our perceptions of reality and control our thoughts.

By that same measure, one can consciously develop a word system in which adding, limiting, or removing words from our vocabulary can have a direct influence on our reality.

I propose removing the word “deserve”.

I propose replacing “deserve” with “worth”.

Before I continue, let me place the definitions of both words here for you along with where they came from.

Deserve (v.)

per etymonline.com - mid-13c., "to merit, be worthy of for qualities or actions," from Old French deservir (Modern French desservir) "deserve, be worthy of, earn, merit" and directly from Latin deservire "serve well, serve zealously," from de- "completely" (see de-) + servire "to serve" (see serve (v.)). The classical Latin sense evolved to "be entitled to because of good service" (a sense found in Late Latin), then in French "be worthy of."

Worth (v.)

per etymonline.com - "to come to be," now chiefly, if not solely, in the archaic expression woe worth the day, present subjunctive of Old English weorðan "to become, be, to befall," from Proto-Germanic *werthan "to become" (source also of Old Saxon, Old Dutch werthan, Old Norse verða, Old Frisian wertha, Old High German werdan, German werden, Gothic wairþan "to become"), literally "to turn into," from PIE root *wer- (2) "to turn, bend."

Per these definitions, you might already see a difference between the words. What I am specifically looking at is the “earning from another” aspect from deserve and the “inherent value” aspect from worth.

When looking at the universe around you as me versus you, or separating, or othering, there is a tendency to try and cultivate a system to try and value yourself. I would argue that “deserve” looks externally to valuate you (generally based upon actions or service to another), and worth looks internally (based on inherent value).

How do these two sentences sound to you?

“I deserve a comfortable car”

“I am worthy of a comfortable car”

While each is expressing desire, there’s something that strikes me differently between those two sentences. In “deserve” there feels like a debt is due - something or someone owes it to you. There’s an external valuation system. In “worthy” it seems like an inherent value system that comes from within.

To extrapolate:

“I deserve a comfortable car. I’ve worked hard at my job, I’ve paid my bills, and as such I now value my actions to be of adequate merit for bestowing comfort on myself”

While subtle, there seems to be an outside factor which allows oneself to obtain. In comparison:

“I am worthy of a comfortable car. I appreciate comfort and my mental state runs more smoothly when I am not in states of discomfort. As such, bestowing comfort upon myself is a kindness.”

Again while subtle, in this example there seems to be more of an internal compass for valuing oneself and allowing oneself to obtain. In this state, no one but yourself gives the determining valuation as to bestowing a comfortable vehicle.

NOTE: In neither of these examples do I speak about one’s financial ability to obtain a comfortable vehicle. Just their own valuation system.

Take a look at these other examples, see how the connotation affects the mental state:

“I deserve to be happy”

“I am worthy of happiness”

“I deserve to take a trip to France”

“I am worthy of a trip to France”

“I deserve love”

“I am worthy of love”

It seems that valuing oneself based on internal structures of worth instead of external structures of deservedness allows for a frame of mind which has a higher degree of compassion.

This works both for you and for others too. If I said, “you are worthy of _______” instead of “you deserve _______” to a person, it inherently adds compassion for their experience as a human - solely on the fact that they are a human regardless of their accomplishments!

For me, this brings to the forefront that all of us are worthy of our human experiences. We are all worthy of our desires. We are all worthy of traversing life in the ways we see fit. I am worthy. You are worthy. Doesn’t that just feel good?

It also does not compare oneself to another.

“That person has worked harder than me, he/she deserves a comfortable car”

“That person is more emotionally intelligent than me, he/she deserves love”

etc..

You could say,

“Both of us are human, we are each worthy of a comfortable car”

“Both of us are human, we are each worthy of love”

Furthermore, it also gives the ability to accept harder things in life. Things that are less than ideal.

“I don’t deserve to be sad”

Who owes you a life of only happiness? Sadness brings contrast and comparison. To attempt to reject a situation that is less than ideal based on external merit from your actions again puts the power in some other power’s hands.

“I am worthy of sadness, just as I am worthy of happiness”

In this way of thinking, there is the ability to look at the situation at hand and accept where you are in life without attachment. It allows you to look at others and their situations and accept where they are in life without attachment. To be able to realize internally that, as a human, you have a range of emotions and you are worthy of each and every one of them. It doesn’t repel you from sadness (in this example) instead it allows you to look inside, feel the emotion, thought, etc.. and move on when you are ready. Savor your experience, no need to become addicted, or to repel it, but to live it.

In conclusion, it has benefited me greatly to simply acknowledge worth of myself and others. It has benefited my mental projection of the world to no longer use the word deserve for myself or for others in their situation. Simply by replacing the word “deserve” with “worth” I have been able to grow more as a compassionate and accepting individual. I have given myself more compassion. I have removed the outside valuation system as to my own fulfillment and happiness in my life. I’ve stopped comparing myself with others. I’ve allowed myself to be worthy of everything life has to offer. All the “good” and all the “bad” - for lack of better terms. I’ve allowed myself to hold space for others, and to remind them of their own worth too.

I hope you enjoyed this writing.

With love,

Awe World Experiencer

To donate:

Venmo: AweWorldExperiencer

IG: AweWorldExperiencer

Books are also on Amazon!