Night Walk
A Journey into Internal Guidance
Turn the light around, reflect back its radiance. - Zen Capping Phrase
This is a true story of a very interesting evening I had when I unintentionally developed an internal guidance system for my life. I will offer the guidance upfront so you don’t have to read the entire story to make use of them. However, if you would like to see how it came I invite you to read and enjoy!
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Quick definition for my understanding of “darkness”
Darkness is not seen as a bad thing, but an important part of life. Darkness is seen as the unknown, nothingness or “no-thing-ness”, the unlimited potential for knowledge and wisdom. Darkness is a break from light, where thoughts and ideas form before being transmuted into a compassionate act to the universe via light.
Learnings from my night walk:
There is always light in the darkness and darkness in the light
Don’t block yourself
Religion is a good light for people lost in the darkness
When at an intersection, go the way you were headed
Running water, water in general allows people to think and become calm and enlightened in their darkness if they choose
When at a fork in the road, you can think more or you can act. If you don’t act, you may think yourself out of it. Sometimes both options are right
When tired of the darkness and the thoughts, you can stop and sit for a while. It doesn’t have to be done in one go
You are your own internal compass, right and wrong come from you
Ask people for what you need or desire. Sometimes a free cup of coffee can go a long way
Coffee and tea give both thought and action
The ocean gives both thought and action
Do not torture yourself with the thoughts/actions of others. Love, trust, and accept them as they are. Knowing they will do right by themselves.
Actions are a transmission to the universe you live in. Thoughts are a transmission to yourself
The waves of thought and darkness lap my feet, but it is I who decides to walk or to swim
I awoke on the morning of January 18th 2024 around 12:30 a.m. with a warm, comforting, counter-clockwise, swirling sensation around my heart chakra. A profound feeling of propulsion entering my system. A feeling of, “get up, it is time to leave your bed.” So, without knowing what I was to do but following my feeling, I got out of bed and dressed warmly.
I figured that my body or intuition simply wanted to go and meditate by the creek. Normally, I would do this around 4 a.m. until the sun came up. This early morning I just figured I needed a particularly long meditation.
I followed the swirling sensation in my chest out the door of my room and down the stairs. When I turned to walk towards the creek, the sensation stopped. Strange. I really liked the warm, comforting sensation, its disappearance felt so jarring. So, I stopped and turned around in a circle to see if I could regain that newly found intuitive sense.
When I oriented my body towards where my vehicle was parked, it started up again. Oh, that's interesting. I thought and decided that I would follow it. I guess I was going to my truck instead of the creek. Maybe I’ll drive and meditate by the ocean instead this morning. Also interestingly I had grabbed the keys to my truck before I left my room. Weird, I never do that on my way to meditate. Oh, well I guess my body knows best right now.
I began walking to where the cars were parked at my property, all the while following this warm counter-clockwise feeling in my chest. I opened my truck and set the keys in the ignition. The swirling sensation stopped.
Strange. Maybe I am not to drive? The swirling began again slowly. Should I just walk to the ocean? The swirling began to feel warmer and more profound. Alright then, I’m in no rush. I’ll walk.
I took the keys out of the ignition, placed them back in my pocket, and stepped out of my truck.
The sensation was so warm and comforting, my body was so alive, and my curiosity at a record high. I decided that a walk might be nice.
This’ll be interesting. I’ve lived in this house for eight years and I haven’t ever walked to the ocean before. From my mountain home in Montecito, the walk to Butterfly beach was about 3 miles downhill. A nine minute ride in a vehicle, but an hour walk.
I was glad I dressed warmly with comfortable shoes as I began walking from Riven Rock to the ocean. The place I lived was quiet, there weren’t any streetlights in the neighborhood I lived in and each step I took reverberated my body with calm assurance. The waxing crescent moon was bright in the sky and there was no cloud cover, so the world was illuminated silver for me.
I left the neighborhood by the route of the Riven Rock Tree, an amazing feat of nature where a tree is growing out of a boulder on the side of the road, and continued down Riven rock road where there was another tree lit by white Christmas lights that hadn’t come down yet.
As I came to the lit tree, the swirling sensation rose. As soon as I passed the lit tree, the sensation stopped. I oriented my body to face the tree and the sensation picked back up again.
What is so special about this tree? I thought to myself. Without seeing anything particularly important, I turned to go again and the sensation stopped.
Alright, I’ll look again.
I stood there on Riven Rock Road looking at this ordinary tree, lit by white lights for a few minutes and eventually took out my phone. I decided to write in my notes:
There is always light in the darkness
Once I wrote that, the sensation ceased and I figured I had gotten my lesson for the evening. Now I will go home and sleep. I turned to leave and I felt something amiss. The sensation didn’t return. I wondered if I could get it to return, so I turned myself around to see if I were to continue to the beach. The sensation picked back up.
Alright, I’ll keep going.
I walked for another 20 feet as my mind started generating all sorts of thoughts about this strange endeavor I was embarking on. Why am I doing this? What is the point? It’s late, I should go back to bed. Etc.. The sensation stopped.
I turned in place to figure out what I was supposed to be looking at and the swirling began again when I looked at a large nicely trimmed hedge wall about 13 feet tall. I stood there, trying to figure this new puzzle out.
As before, I tried to walk on to the beach, but the sensation would stop so I would return to stare at this silver green wall - a little exasperated.
What? Am I supposed to go through this thing? Am I supposed to pick a leaf? What does this intuitive sense want? Eventually, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and on the same note I had previously written I went to the next line and waited.
The thought came,
Don’t block yourself
I wrote it down and the sensation stopped.
Ok, I’m getting the hang of this - whatever this is. Then I turned back to the house to go to bed. No sensation. I turned again to the road towards the beach. It started back up.
Ok. I’ll do this. I continued walking.
As I got near the intersection of Hot Springs Road and East Valley Road the sensation swirled faster as I looked at the church, Our Lady of Mount Carmel Catholic Church. Being raised Catholic and going to Catholic school had left me with a bad taste in my mouth for religion and particularly the Catholic Church. So, seeing that the feeling I was following reacted to it was interesting.
I walked to the front steps of the church and tried the door. Locked. I guess I wasn’t going in there to pray and find religion again. So, I stood outside and just felt the spinning warmth.
Without thinking I took out my phone. A thought was occuring to me so I wrote it down,
Religion is a good light for people lost in the darkness
Once written the sensation stopped and I walked back to the road where it began again.
Again I oriented myself to my house, the sensation stopped. I turned to position myself to walk to the ocean, it began again.
I took a few more steps and found myself in the middle of the intersection of Hot Springs Road and East Valley Road. There are no sidewalks here, so I had to walk on the road. When I got halfway across the road, the sensation stopped so I stopped walking.
I again turned around, searching for the sensation. I couldn’t find it.
I guess this is it. No more being led by some mysterious force.
It was late, maybe 1:15 a.m. or so by now. With no guiding swirls or warmth, I was ready to head back home or at least get out of the middle of the road. So I walked back up a little ways before I stopped again. I found it strange that I hadn’t seen a single person or car on this hour-long journey and I assumed that there was more to learn. So, I turned around and walked to the middle of the intersection again and pulled out my phone.
I waited until the thought came,
When at an intersection, go the way you were headed.
I wrote it down and the swirl began again.
I kept walking down Hot Springs Road, feeling intrigued - inspired. What an interesting night I was having.
Eventually, I came to the Montecito Creek. I could hear it before I arrived. The night was so quiet, no birds, no wind, no cars, just a silver moon in the sky with glimmering stars. The sound of the creek was so beautiful. I walked to the edge and looked at it, listened to it, and breathed deep and slowly.
Wanting to continue my walk to the ocean I turned to leave and the comforting sensation stopped again. So I pulled out my phone and returned to the water.
I waited,
Running water, water in general allows people to think and become calm and enlightened in their darkness if they choose
Noted.
I turned and continued my walk with the warm guiding swirl until I got to a fork in the road about 50 yards away from the creek. Going right would continue down hot springs road, going straight would take me to Olive Mill Road and the ocean. The sensation stopped as I was looking at my options.
I pulled out my phone,
When at a fork in the road, you can think more or you can act. If you don’t act, you may think yourself out of it. Sometimes both options are right
Noted.
The swirl began again and I continued down Olive Mill Road towards the ocean.
I was nearing Coast Village Road when I saw a bench on the side of the sidewalk. The sidewalk had started just a few yards back and I was happy to be out of the road even though I still hadn’t seen a car. The sensation picked back up as I neared the bench.
I stood for a while staring at the bench and feeling the sensation. I decided that I might as well have a sit as it was late and I had been walking for a couple miles now. After sitting for a while I pulled out my phone and wrote,
When tired of the darkness and the thoughts, you can stop and sit for a while. It doesn’t have to be done in one go
I felt revitalized and began walking again until I got to the corner of Olive Mill and Coast Village Road. There, on the sidewalk illuminated by the moon was a ground compass orientation embedded in the sidewalk. The swirling increased as I stood in the middle of it. I took out my phone and waited.
You are your own internal compass, right and wrong come from you
Noted.
I was cold as I began walking across the street when I saw the Montecito Inn. Having worked in hotels before as a night auditor I knew there would be someone working in the lobby. Sometimes they even have coffee and tea available for guests at odd hours. As it was nearly 2:30, I considered going in and asking for a cup. Then I started thinking to myself.
No, don’t do that. You’re not staying there. You’ll look like a crazy person meandering the streets at this hour. What will this person think. Etc..
So, I decided to continue my walk to the ocean. The sensation stopped.
I looked back at the inn. The sensation returned. I pulled out my phone.
Ask people for what you need or desire. Sometimes a free cup of coffee can go a long way
I walked in and introduced myself to the night auditor. This was the first person I’ve seen in hours. I explained that I was on a long walk, and would appreciate a cup of tea or coffee if it was possible. With a smile, the night auditor directed me to the complimentary hot drinks. I thanked her and prepared myself a drink. The sensation was stronger once I finished making the drink so I pulled out my phone again.
Coffee and tea give both thought and action
I left and continued down Olive Mill road toward Butterfly Beach.
When I arrived at the roaring ocean I was entranced. It was beautiful. Black darkness out to the horizon of stars, glistening whitewash splashing in moonlight, the smell of the air was salty, cold, refreshing. I stood and looked at the ocean waves, taking all of it in. I was periodically sipping on my beverage until I pulled my phone out again.
The ocean gives both thought and action
Eventually I began walking on the sidewalk of Channel Drive, north towards Santa Barbara. The sensation was with me and I just was ready to sit down again. I found a tree and a little reclined chair positioned to look at the ocean and I sat down to meditate.
What a beautiful evening. What interesting lessons. What a way to learn lessons. So strange. So fun. So exciting. Eventually I relaxed my mind from these thoughts and focused on my breathing. Just meditating. Letting things pass. I pulled out my phone twice during this meditation. Here’s what I wrote.
Do not torture yourself with the thoughts/actions of others. Love, trust, and accept them as they are. Knowing they will do right by themselves.
Actions are a transmission to the universe you live in. Thoughts are a transmission to yourself.
At some point I came out of my meditation. I wanted to get in the water. I really wanted to get in the water. But it was so late. I didn't have another pair of clothes. I didn’t have anything to dry off with. It would be frigid. I still had an hour walk to get back up the hill to my bed.
The swirling continued to escalate as I looked at the dark water, the roaring waves, the glistening moonlight. I pulled out my phone.
The waves of thought and darkness lap my feet, but it is I who decides to walk or to swim.
Moonlight luminous on the sea - no shadows
- Zen Capping PhraseI had found an internal guiding system for my life this evening. A set of guidance for when I am confused or lost in darkness. I’ve written it down along with the story of how it came to be because I wanted to share it with you.
The story of this night continues, but as the purpose of this writing was to simply offer my guidelines to you, I’ll stop it here.
With love,
Awe World Experiencer
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